I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
