This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
