Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
