The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
