I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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