I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I believe in your delicious
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