me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
