yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
