he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
