Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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