just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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