i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
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She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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