IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
