Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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