at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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