I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize