We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
