so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
