i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
