So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
