Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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