areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
