I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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