I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
