Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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