sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
