I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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