I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
