i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize