isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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