i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
