I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
