what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
