Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
