I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
