ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
