Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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