You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
