So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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