I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
