normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize