I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
