Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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