dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
