It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
