So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
