How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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