I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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