we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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