You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
they're like a gay fantastic four
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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