Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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