I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
