And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
