I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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