I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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