I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
