some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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