i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
