what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
