felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think your dad took our porno
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
