whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
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Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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