There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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