i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
