when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
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He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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