He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
