First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
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Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
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I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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