Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
