i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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