between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
