My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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