so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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