Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
