Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
