I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
