I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
